Do you think he’s going to be The One and you want that relationships will last forever? But all you seem to do is row all the time. He ends up storming off and you end up in tears. It’s not only love that can bring to everlasting relationship; to make it work, both couple need to understand what kind of relationships they have and how they want it to be. Other than understanding and good communications, relationships also need balance to control the way it works. John Gottman, a psychologist, has spent more than 20 years studying marriages. He believes it’s not how often you argue that sets the tone for a relationship, but whether you achieve the right balance of positives (like hugging and compliment each other) and negatives (like insulting each other). So, how do you want your relationship going to be?

John Gottman discovered three different relationships: Volatile, validating and avoidant. All three worked. And all of them conformed to a specific formula: Five positives for every negative or known as 5:1 code. So, maybe you fight all the time – a negative. That’s okay as long as you balance it out with the five positives, like remembering to tell him that you love him. It’s normal to have fight or arguing sometimes, but if there was no balance to these negatives, there’s no way you can maintain and keep your relationship on the track. And remember; LOVE is never enough to fulfilling relationship with staying power, it needs more than that: Never let negatives over positives because there’s not much hope to standing for. To discover how to crack the 5:1 code, just read on…and find out whether your relationship going to be everlasting or at the end. Good luck!

The Volatile Couple

Never state to the point, never listen to each other and never consider the other person’s point of view. They don’t wait for the right moment either – they’ll speak their minds where and when they damn well please. Do you ever experience this before? It sounds like a relationship doomed to failure, right? You do care about each other but that’s the way how you handle your relationship – argue all night then sneak a day off work to settle everything down. You balance the negatives with positives.

The danger of this kind of relationship is that you’ll get so bogged down by bickering you’ll wind up submerging the good feelings. It’s fine if sometimes you feel like to express every mood you have to get back your happiness when things are going well, but if you have to face bigger problem, there’s no guarantee you can count on the 5:1 balance always coming naturally.

If you feel like your relationship was on this stage, you should keep up the passion and spontaneity, but ensure the balance stays healthy by consciously stifling a few negatives and injecting a few positives even when you don’t feel like it. Try to control your anger and try not to start or avoid fights especially late at night.

The Validating Couple

They always try to argue carefully, recognize each other’s point of view by listening and always take each other’s feelings and views into consideration even they don’t agree. But sometimes they seem to enjoy these heart-to-heart’s a bit too much, making mountains out of what could be molehills. Oooopps! Is this sound like you? It seems like both of you trying too hard to make things look perfect. Is that really works? Gael Lindenfield, author of Managing Anger says, “It could be that you’re over-dramatizing issues in your relationship because there isn’t enough going on in other areas of your life. The danger here is that you become too dependent on each other and lose your individuality.”

Don’t let yourself losing your own identity, just because you want to keep your relationships on the highest places. Calm down and enjoy the closeness of your relationships. Think about yourself! “Consider whether you’ve given up too much of your own life to be close to him,” says Lindenfield. “Are there parties you won’t go to because he won’t enjoy them? Have you given up friendships? Or stopped taking risks of your own? If so, resolve to start doing some things that are important to you.” Don’t afraid this will keep distance between you – because true love will never lie. This is the right time for you and your partner understands that true love needs space to grow so your relationship becomes more meaningful. If you have to being apart, do it! It will make you feel more alive and more passionate to give more love spontaneously and not desperately.

The Avoidant Couple

This couple opposite to validating couple - they aren’t particularly passionate or close or like being together. In short words, we can say that this couple prefers to stay apart and when they are together they tend to avoid conflict. You must see this is like a recipe for disaster but these partnerships do work. Peoples, who don’t know they are couple, sometimes won’t recognize them because they seem like amiable flatmates than lovers. Many of their priorities are similar and they‘re very much alike – both easy-going and more interested in things than people. This might rarely happen to you, but for this couple if they have disagreements, they don’t really air them – more tend to brush arguments aside instead of resolving them. Hard to believes? Do you ever ends conversation with your partner with underlying conflicts unresolved yet plenty of good feelings all around? If yes, here you go…

There are good and bad about this type of relationship: try keeping the peace all the time but at the same time you also keeping anger inside is that it also stifles the good feelings and this is the biggest danger to the relationship. When you and your partner having difficulty to discuss about each other feelings deeply, it may gives you or your partner more space to find someone else who meet your emotional needs. Besides, when both of you face an important conflict, you won’t have had any practices discussing difficult subjects and I think you know what going to happen then. So, watch out! Another drawback of this sort of relationship is that seemingly small unimportant conflicts can build up.

So, if you feel like your relationship more onto this type, don’t run away! Stay close to your partner and discuss from heart-to-heart. Spend more time together and try to get back your intimacy. Enjoy your independence, but make sure you aren’t suppressing too much of your personality in the relationship. Put all your individual strengths and get more of the positives onto your partnerships. Ask yourself, if you can do brilliant by yourself why not with your partner. If you love your relationship, act now! Think how you could change this!