When you grow up, you saw many kinds of things happening around you. Some are likely familiar and had happened many times and some more you even experienced them yourself. Some of the experience you absorb from your parents - the way your parents relate to each other. Some people think that they had understood everything and thinking of reproducing their behavior in their own relationship. However do you think what you saw is what really happening around you? Think again! Happy marriage of your parents is the best example to follow between others. Nothing is wrong with that. But, what if their relationship had been forged in a social landscape that has changed beyond recognition?

The fact is, your emotional route-map – in an unconscious instruction manual – was put together when the Pill was still a hotly contested topic. When your parents walked down the aisle (which they almost certainly did), the divorced rate was under half what it is today, and cohabitation was called “living in sin”. Your parents, through no fault of their own, prepared you badly for the world in which you live. They couldn’t help you negotiate a relationship where you earn more, where he’s divorced or where your job involves months of travelling abroad. You don’t have to put your future relationship into risk. We have books, magazines, close friends, Oprah – all of which help update our ideas about what we want from love. It doesn’t matter if you’re single, celibate, splitting up or in love; we have to learn from our own experiences.

#1 Friends are more important than Lovers

“A husband is for Christmas, friends are for life,” says psychologist Susan Quilliam. What does it means? Some women after marriage or even some in serious relationship ignore present of their friends just because want to spend more times with their partner – taking care of their partner, did the housework or looked after the children. Chances are, it’s not something you can learn from your Mum or what she would have understood. Women of the 50s and 60s stood by their men – at the expense of their friends, if necessary – but we’re more far likely to spend evenings with our mates, taking him to pieces.

“Women now know that statistically they’re likely to spend a considerable chunk of their life without a partner. Of course, they’re going to build a life that’s sustainable without a man,” says Quilliam. Friendships never end although you’re stay far from your friends, fight or argue with them. It’s something that sometimes couldn’t explained by thousands of words. And even if you’re securely coupled, key friendships will strengthen your main relationship. Being able to talk to your friends about the ways he ignores you at the parties, hates your brother or snores at night allows you to put your experiences in perspective. “Once you have a broader context you can work out what’s acceptable to you – and what’s not,” says Quilliam.

#2 Affairs are NOT “Just about Sex”

For some women, it’s hard to believe the reason their man strayed just because about sex. We know, however, that in a relationship sex is more than the tightening and releasing of a few muscles. It’s the way we bond with the person we love. If our partner breaks that trust we have the right, and the wherewithal, to leave. “There’s simply no reason for a woman to put up with infidelity today,” says Quilliam. “We no longer make financial or social demands on our partner. But we do make big emotional ones. If he’s not up to the job, we look for someone who is.” And the goes both ways.

The knowledge that an affair might cost the relationship has made both men and women change their behavior. Why staying with man who had bad behavior. You always have a choice and whatever choice you may make, be sure you do the right thing for yourself and no regret at the end.

#3 Nurturing a man doesn’t have to mean Mothering him

Thinking how well is your Mum taking care of your Dad? Marriage women self-esteem depended on how well she looked after your dad. It’s not just about cooking and cleaning. By sorting out his problems before he had them, your mum was being a “good wife”. As a result she became more mother than lover. Do you think this behavior is what your man hoping from you after gets marriage? Think again! He might expect more than that – somebody who understand and caring in other way. It’s fine to ask if he had a good day. But if you lie awake all night worrying about his career and whether he picked up his dry cleaning, and then you’re denying he’s a responsible human being. No wonder he starts acting useless, doing less and less of the work in the relationship. What’s more, the sex stops too.

Now is the time, says relationship counselor Elspeth Bowden, to stop believing that your value is tied to how well you care for others. “Men have always believed that they’re valued for themselves,” says Bowden. “So should you.” Accept that your intelligence, wit and bank balance are enough to make him happy. If you feel like being nice too, that’s a bonus.

#4 Men & Women say “I LOVE YOU” in different ways.

When it comes to three little magic words “I Love You”, most people having difficulty to say or show it. Even some marriage people sometimes have problem to show or say it to their partner. The truth is each of us has our own way on how to disgorge the feelings. And of course different gender show their feeling in different way so don’t expect too much on your partner if he didn’t act the way you dream of. When your parents started courting there was mooning and spooning, hearts and flowers. Once back from the romantic honeymoon they settled down to a peck on the cheek and a steak dinner on their anniversary night. They were disappointed – and they showed it.

To avoid that bitterness, we need to accept that men and women show love in different ways. “Women tend to set more store by symbols,” says Quilliam. To avoid mutual disappointment you need to learn each other’s language. He may not send you roses on Valentine’s Day (hell, he may not even remember the card), but he did hold your hand while you threw up after those dodgy oysters. In return, he needs to realize that buying you a beer after work is not same as calling interflora. Doing the washing-up (however often) won’t replace a weekend in Paris. Just because your Dad never remembers your mum’s birthday, there’s no reason why you should put up with the same. “We’re moving towards recognition of each other’s language,” says Quilliam. “Soon we’ll be able to communicate in it.”

#5 You’re NOT as GOOD at communicating as you think you are.

You may never think that man were good at communicating while women were the expertise. Why? You can see your father retreated into silence while your mother talked about the things that move her. The result: You know how to talk, your partner doesn’t – or so you think. Every attempt at getting him to open up leaves him feeling bullied and you frustrated as hell. In fact, says Bowden, many men know how to talk if you know how to listen. “Many of us watched our mothers verbally batter our fathers…. They used a bullying tone that made the man feel e must be a complete failure. And if he feels that bad then he’s going to retreat into silence. Men are less verbal, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own language,” she explains. All you have to do is decipher it!”

So, if you want the sincere answer from your man don’t ever try to push him into silence because later you’ll regret on his answers. Give him enough time to think and get ready, and when he’s ready enough to expose his feeling to you, you’ll get more than your expectation. You can’t expect him to reply you whenever you want without considering the final result may cause. All you have to do is listening although you have to wait for long time rather than you didn’t get any answer at all. You can say what you like, by all means. And demand that he talks back, but you’ll have to accept that you may not like what you hear.

The fact is, relationships are not easy – they never have been and they never will be – not if you really want them to work. “If we’re to have relationship that satisfy the people we are today, then we have throw away all expectations and assumptions we inherited from our parents,” says Knowles. And that means accepting the roles, rules and relationships are, perhaps for the first time ever, ups for grabs