Know Your Man Sensitivity – 8 Ways That Can Hurt a Man’s Feeling

September 15, 2009 by  
Filed under Relationship

Sometimes he ignore your present and sometimes he don’t response when you asking the question. He prefer to quite or change the topic every time you try to talk to him. You thought that you had make a mistake and make he angry but there’s something else playing in his mind. He think about your questions whether it’s necessary to answer or not…He just worry that he might hurt your feeling, so he just trying to think the best answer to tell you. He knew women’s sensitivity. How about you? Do you know that he got the sensitive side too? Do you know without you notice your word already hurt his feeling? It stands to reason that men whose bravado is most virulent, whose braggadocio enters the room shortly before they do, are probably those over-compensating for their insecurities. Most men are somewhat less – but not entirely – insecure. Men also wounded by the odd unintentional barb slung our way by a girlfriend or wife. As is so often the case with the respective genders, the key difference is communication. A hurt woman will immediately tell her partner how she feels and why she feels that way.

In most cases with a soothing preface where it is pointed out that she realizes the affront was not premeditated. Men, on the other hand, are far quicker to dismiss their own feelings as being so trivial as to not warrant comment. Yet they hurt like lime juice on a paper cut. Ouch. Overwhelmingly, there is no malice on the part of men’s partners. It’s mainly men own baggage that causes the emotional bruising. That said, a contusion by any other name…..With this in mind, it’s time to strap your man to the psychoanalyst’s couch and reveal nine ways in which he can be unintentionally hurt.

Hurt #1 The L Word           

Aside from “You look fat”, what three other little words can make or break a relationship? Yes, you guessed it – “I Love You.” Couples agonize over when to introduce this phrase. Many women have been on the receiving end of a non-committal “I think you’re special too”, having had the guts to utter it. Not much fun, is it? Although they may well feel it, men have trouble articulating this amorous sentiment so when yours does, echo your feelings. every time. Should  an “I love you” not be reciprocated, the male psyche immediately goes into worst-case scenario mode. Trust me on this. He needs affirmation as much as you do, perhaps more so if he initiated the exchange. Without this he may begin to doubt your feelings for him – yes, once is all it takes – and the smothering will begin. You’ll back off, he’ll crowd you even more and you’ll be stuck with a situation that could have been prevented by a single “me too”.

Hurt #2 Baldness is Not Cute

Let’s knock this one on its aesthetically-challenged head once and for all. If a man asks you if he has put on weight or whether that clump of shoulder hair is a turn-off, the correct and only answer is no. Such questions stem from a perceived lack of quality in the physical department, so plug the cracks with a denial and nothing more. Do not acknowledge whatever he may referring to with “Your love handles give me something to hold onto” or “ But your furriness is adorable!” Although you may be sincere in these statements, they will be like hurled pebbles against the fragile stained glass mosaic that is his ego. While we’re in this area, let’s briefly discuss the hair on his head. No matter how phrase it, any observation that involves the words, “receding”, “thinning” or heaven forbid, “balding” will hit him like a lorry. Prefacing it with “it doesn’t matter to me if you’re….” will not count for squat. Move on to another subject that is not Rogaine.

Hurt #3 The Third Person

Compare to men, women are far more open with their friends when it comes to discussing relationships and partners. More power to you for this – and don’t think we aren’t just a little envious. Especially when the sum total of male conversations of this ilk usually comprise no more than, “How’s the missus?” and “Good, thanks.” The problem is, women can become so used to discussing us that they forget we’re in the room. This is particularly evident a dinner parties or meals shared with two or more couples. A peculiar trait will somehow arise in conversation. Only to be followed shortly by, “Oh, Kevin does the same thing all the time” and “Really? I thought my Andrew was the only one and that I’d married a weirdo!” Cue hysterical laughing and detailed examination of the napery from those packing a scrotum.

As comfortable as you may be sharing the details of your love life with your gal pals, the man in your life doesn’t feel he knows them this well, let alone the men in their lives. So how to know when you’re reaching dangerous territory? The first time you refer to him in the third person – as in “he” – beware because you’re standing on the edge of a precipice of revelation he may soon be tumbling down head first.  

Hurt #4 For Your Amusement

This is the tricky one as it’s only natural to want to show off your charismatic and gregarious man. You’re just justifiably proud that he can captivate a room and create a festive atmosphere with a few well-chosen bon mots. The flipside to this extroverted coin however is when he feels like you’re the organ grinder and he’s the performing monkey. He’ll tell that hilarious story about the conjoined twins and the tub of baby oil if and when he feels like it. Or better still if he believes it’s appropriate. He doesn’t need you to put him in the spotlight like that. Like all of the categories in this article, your intentions may be coming from a sweet-as-treacle place, but no one enjoys being routinely put on the spot to entertain.

Hurt #5 Out Of Your Depth

Cliches only reach this exalted status because they often hold true and one of the best in the male domain is that we like fixing stuff around the house. Hardwired into the male psyche, it’s something that we’re supposed to be able to do. What’ more, as many of us work in a world of intangible results displayed on spreadsheets, the chance to actually physically remedy a situation is often grabbed. It makes us feel, well, manly.

Of course, some of us are better than others when a wrench, hammer or bracket is required, but please don’t let a failure or three dissuade you from allowing him to attempt the role of handyman. Yes, a professional may have been required on previous occasions to repair your man’s work, but that doesn’t mean that will be the case next time around. This is one of those tasks we take genuine pride in, so please don’t suggest we’re automatically out of our depth.

Hurt #6 Is That What You’re Wearing 

Seriously, how would you feel your man asked this question. Okay, he might be not the fashion-forward as you are. Hell, we may even be fashion-backward but surely there are gentler ways to offer constructive criticism. If, for example, he emerges as a symphony in acid wash, suggest an alternative item – not the singular – with “I think you look so much cuter…” It’s all about inflating his self-esteem through style. Salvage his outfit with one addition instead of dressing him from top to toe while hinting he wouldn’t know couture if Giorgio Armani was mugging him. Yes, you have a better eye for chic but pointing it out this way ain’t gonna win you any friends. Criticizing his sense of style, then making him over in his entirety is a dangerous practice as he will never develop a sense of style and pretty soon you’ll be his dresser. At which point it’ll feel like you’re mothering him. The choice is yours. 

Hurt #7 Going All Artsy-Fartsy

Men are simple creatures with mostly simple tastes and we know it. For most of the men, the definition of a good film ca be measured in car chases and glimpses of Jessica Alba’s midriff. However, although we may be decidedly low-rent and proud of it, this is a choice  that they make – not a measure of their intelligence. Being told that we just wont “get” an art house film or novel involving sophisticated and abstract spiritual complexities has us wondering how little you think of men’s intellect.

Hurt #8 Money’s Too Tight Too Mention

Finally, in addition to being the home handyman, another role that’s programmed into men from birth is that of financial provider. Yes, you may earn more than him. Yes, you may split expenses down the middle. But somewhere deep in his wallet, he has secretly calculated that he could support you if ever the need arose. Misguided and ancient as this may be, this role is a potent source of self-worth for many men.

Consequently, when you say something like “I just don’t think we can afford a new car or holiday this year”, some men interpret this as an “if only you earned more” criticism. Which is so isn’t. This is his issue to deal with on his own and no behavior modification on your part is required. Like all the topics covered here, it’s simply a matter of awareness. 

  • Winsor Pilates

Comments

2 Responses to “Know Your Man Sensitivity – 8 Ways That Can Hurt a Man’s Feeling”
  1. confused says:

    Need from a males point of view. I have always been open minded in our relationship. But he has been breaking his neck or plain acting as if were not 3 feet from him to check out the chicks. Plus he for some reason has this thing were he blames everything on me, or someone else…. this is just a piece, he is a quiet man and self centered.
    Can I get some insight as to what makes a man act this way..

  2. mari says:

    My husband beg me to come back, and I did now he treats me like a dog.