The Real Reason HE Doesn’t Want To Have Sex

August 17, 2008 by  
Filed under Love and Intimacy

Hard to believe and imagine? But it’s really happen in few relationships where men really don’t want to have sex. I know what move in your mind now. Does he homo type or sick @#%$&? Whatever….Maybe….However there’re other reason that you might want to know. You know the drill right? With the exception of a few monk types who have meditated their libidos into submission, there’s not a man alive who wouldn’t jump at the chance to do the horizontal cha-cha. Driven by man dicks and aroused by everything from a brisk walk in corduroy to Nigella Lawson, the theory goes that man in possession of a heat-seeking moisture missile that’s continually primed and ready for action. So why would a man choose not to make jiggy when you put forward the invitation. Well, as they say in classics, it’s not you, it’s him mostly.

Reason #1 Thanks But No

At first, this is going to sound as preposterous as the words, And the Oscar for Best Actress goes to … Britney Spears” but hear me out. After a year or seven of slutting it up with any woman who would fall for his insincere compliments, a certain proportion of men realise that they have been shoring up their crumbling self-esteem by accumulating bed mates and decide to do things differently for a change. One of the revelations they come to is that just because a woman wants to sleep with them, it doesn’t mean they have to take up the offer. He’s had his fill of shallow, recreational sex and is now prepared to wait for a real connection. Don’t be discouraged by the fact that he doesn’t identify you as a sign of respect. Which will be easier to do when you consider his alternative: Bedding you just because he could!

Reason #2 Upping The Ante

Warning, warning: There are some despicable playas out there who will work the predominant misconception that any man will sleep with any willing woman to their advantage. Their MO is as malignant as it is effective and it goes like this: By pretending they are not physically attracted to a woman, they insidiously play on her insecurities, which make her try harder to make him succumb to her fleshy charms. The further he retreats, the more the pursues and when he finally give in, he gets a lusty vixen hell-bent on conquest. The reason this ploy works is that woman are usually the hunted in this scenario and the guy who flips the equation is counting on the fact that she will have had little experience with rejection. This is primo manipulation, so don’t let him use your self-esteem against you.

Reason #3 A Beautiful Friendship

Grab the dustpan and broom because another male misconception is about to be shattered. When our hormones don’t hijack the project in its early stages and we manage to establish a platonic relationship with a woman, we cherish it more than you know. Having a impartial yet caring buddy who can advice us on everything from gifts for girlfriends, fashion faux pas and relationship troubles is an asset that many a man would not risk damaging through sex. Despite the fact this platform of respect and trust would be the ideal breeding ground for a relationship, he won’t see the irony. Of course, he’s imagined you naked but he won’t make it a reality as bitter experience has taught him that sleeping with friends invariably changes the nature of the relationship and he values what he has with you too much to take that chance.

Reason #4 Handle With Care

A generation ago, your average bloke had a can on his chest, a beer belly below it and felt pretty good about both. Today, however, we live in the era of equal opportunity unrealistic body expectations and are battling many of the issues that women have faced for decades. Overweight celebs are ridiculed in the press, six packed, cap-toothed himbos are used to selling everything from soft drink to flu medication, and single girls recoil in horror at the thought of a hirsute back or shoulders. Men have had to lift their game, but some have also fallen prey to the paranoia that he might not measure up in the physique stakes and is therefore reluctant to get naked. Granted, many guys have egos that effortlessly vault such concerns, but there are a significant few who’d rather delay sex until the crunches kick in than have you be put off his bod.

Reason #5 Oops, I Did It Again

Just as with their bodies, men have had to put some work into their sexual technique. Your modern woman demands and deserves satisfaction. She wants foreplay, an orgasm before yours and a bit of emotional connection in the afterglow. For a bloke with a tendency to shoot off his fireworks before the end of the parade, this can be an intimidating scenario. Especially since the thrill of sex with someone for the first time tends to hasten what is already happening way, way, way too soon. Rather than find himself in a situation where a woman he almost made orgasm is telling him not to worry because it happens to lots of guys, a minority of men might seek to put the sex on hold until he can figure out a preventive technique.

Reason #6 Novelty Factor: Zero

As time passes in a relationship, the sexual heat invariably fades and it’s only naturally that you aren’t jumping each other’s bones with the frequency and passion you did early on. As long as both participants have cooled to the same degree, this is no biggie. If, however, your libido is out powering his and he doesn’t seem that interested, you’ve got two choices: Battery-powered assistance or injecting spice into your love life by adding new tricks to your repertoire such as outfits or positions. Before continuing, I should point out that keeping your sex life fresh is not your sole responsibility and he has to contribute too, but the reason he may not be that keen on doing the rumpy-pumpy is that the reward is not worth the routine. Yes, even a man can find sex a bit ho-hum.

Reason #7 Busy, Busy, Busy

For some guys, getting their rocks off is the ultimate stress-relief as it combines physical exertion with an endorphin rush. For others, a hectic work schedule, the ever-present threat of company redundancies and even studying can depress their libido to such a degree that it might as well have been listening to Evanescence for a week. Because many men don’t vocalise the effect stress and pressure might be having on them, it is internalised and manifests itself in the form of a lowered immune system (leading to never ending bouts of flu), a lack of energy and a shortness of temper. If he likes a drink at times like these, he’s even less likely to want to have sex. Fact: Alcohol is a depressant. While it may make him feel horny, the effect that enough of it has on south of the equator can be summed up in three words: Cute but floppy. Add a poor diet and little exercise to the mix and it’s a wonder he can get himself up in the morning let alone Mr Happy.

Reason #8 You’re Not Alone

Women have a uncanny ability to know when their man has been with someone else. Forget a strange perfume or lipstick mark; even the way he kisses can give it away. Men know this and the reason he may not want to have sex with you is that he’s petrified of somehow giving the game away. Of course, this is not the smartest move as you’ll probably put one and one together and get the fact he’s getting his once rampant needs met elsewhere. If it gets to stage the stage where having sex with you feels like a chore he undertakes to keep up pretence, the frequency will dwindle as sure as Backstreet Boys will never have another hit. In addition to this, there probably just won’t be enough of him to go round and you will be the lover who’s rationed first.

Reason #9 Bargain Basement

There is only one instance in which a man will refuse to sleep with you out of spite and that’s if he feels you have used sex as a bargaining tool in the relationship. For example, if he does/says/buys X, you will reward him by doing Y in bed. This exercise in power is carried out by only a minority of women who soon find out that it comes back to bite them as no one likes being played. Not least a man who believes that you might actually just want to have sex with him because you find him attractive, funny, loving or whatever. Dangling the promise of carnal treats will not make him want you more. In fact, do so persistently enough and he will begin to wonder whether you walk the walk as good as you talk to talk.

  • Winsor Pilates


2 Responses to “The Real Reason HE Doesn’t Want To Have Sex”
  1. lotusflower says:

    I agree with the points you mentioned and it’s quite unnerving that they all seem to involve a certain degree of game-playing and/or game upmanship. But I dare say, mature people seldom play games. They do not go into manipulative or scheming activities. Mature individuals are always for real.

    So, if girls/women happen to meet men like these, beware. Think twice.

    One caveat though: women can also be manipulative sometimes, can’t they?


  2. toplink says:

    one thing worth remembering – men are not machines;)

    …Not always