You’ve just only met, but you’ve been talking animatedly for hours. And just when you’re wondering how to suggest you trade numbers without looking too desperate he drops the bombshell – he’s recently single. Opppss…. “How recent is recent?” you ask trying to appear nonchalant as the words stick in your throat? “We split two weeks ago,” he answers and they there are – alarm bells blaring in your head warning “man in limbo”. There is few meaning of words “recently single” – whether he’s “available to party” or “keen to hook up with new women”. But a freshly uncoupled heart often goes hand in hand with a bruised ego (because he was dumped) or an insatiable sexual appetite (he did the dumping because he wants to play the field)… It’s possible too! 

Bouncing back from a break-up is never the best time to launch a new relationship. Is he using to get over his ex? Before you give all your heart, be clear about where this is heading. A man on the rebound often has an almost pathological drive to prove he’s still got the power to impress and conquer any women he wants. But will he really be up for relationship? Love? A future together? Highly unlikely. If you like him so much you want to hang in until the “I want to be with you forever phase” – just be forewarned that it may never arrive. So, how do you recognize a guy who is recently single and emotionally unattached from the rebound man who’s only killing time with you? Here’s how to read the signs:

>>> Sweet & Sour      

Failure in relationship never leaves a sweet moment to remember other than giving a very hard emotion to go through. When a guy is fresh out of a relationship he can prove to be high maintenance as he works through truckloads of emotional baggage. There’re possibility he might be in the “no woman will ever hurt me again” phase or stuck in the equally angry “my next woman will be nothing less than perfect” zone – neither of which creates the right emotional context for loving “happily ever after”.                       

A broken heart man whose been hurt will consider all womankind to be blame, so he’s out to get his revenge by using as many women as possible. Underneath, his heart been ripped to shreds, but on the surface he’s tough as nails. So he picks fights about the slightest thing than flippantly says “lets just forget it – I wasn’t looking to settle down anyway” or he makes love to you then sneaks out while you’re sleeping. Definitely not relationship material until he’s worked through his anger over hi ex. “If you stay in this kind of relationship he’ll have all the power and call the shots,” says psychologist Vesna Ellison.       

>>> Dazed & Confused

He’s free and available – the two of you have been dating and there’s clearly a mutual attraction. When you’re together he may even come on like it’s love, but emotionally he holds you at arm’s length so you never connect closely enough to fall in love. “In this case he is using you as his transitional woman – to comfort him through a rough time – even if he doesn’t yet realize himself,” says Ellison. You will know he is not really invested long-term because he will view everything about his old relationship nostalgically, he will make constant comparisons between you and his ex and worst still, you may find yourself consoling him when he breaks down one drunken night because he still can’t believe the romance of his life is over.                                                 

If you have a hints you’re attach to this kind of man and thinking of end your journey with him, watch out! “You might think you can make him fall in love with you if you wait around long enough, but beware the pitfalls,” says Ellison. “As he moves past the old relationship he may associate you with his recovery from the split and remove you from his life so he can forget that painful phase and push on.”            

>>> Mixed Messages

He’s been out of his long-term relationship all of two milliseconds and isn’t he lucky? He’s found you. You could be his type, but maybe not – right now it doesn’t really matter as long as you can hold his hand because he’s one of these guys who can’t bear to be single. He’ll make a play for you as though you are the only woman he’s ever really wanted. He’ll shower you with compliments one minute, but the next he’ll blow cold and complain that you’re rushing things and he needs to pull back because he feels suffocated. Clear your mind and do yourself a favour – the minute he trots out the
“I need more space” line – run a mile and don’t look back.

“If he’s only recently ended a long or very intense relationship a man is likely to resist being drawn into projection about coupled early on in a new romance,” says marriage guidance counselor Fenella Anderson. “He may still be emotionally confused and unable to know what he really wants or feels for some time.”

Meanwhile there’s a very real risk you will become his emotional crutch while he heals his heart, and works out what kind of relationship and life partner he’s looking for next time around. The healing process takes time and most importantly is the time alone so that he can find the real himself. If these risks don’t put you off and you still consider him relationship material just remembers it’s a huge gamble. Don’t wait until after few months, he may suddenly and unexpectedly hit you with the “it’s too soon for commitment” line or “I need to go to Europe to find myself – don’t wait for me”. Regardless of how he frames his gateway it’s an escape clause because he went with you thinking “you’ll do for now” when you were thinking he meant “you’re it forever”.

A fair question is posed to the average single guy, but not to a man on the rebound – he still on his way down from planet relationship which means he acts now and thinks later – much later.     

>>> Besotted For Now         

He’s fresh out of a relationship but it was his decision to end it so he’s feeling confident not rusty in the “come on” department. When the two of you are deep in the conversation the intensity of his gaze is enough to make you blush. He talks to you as though he’s’ known you forever and he is interested in every single word you say. From the moment you meet your relationship is a whirlwind – you see each other every night that first week and you’re on and absolute high – you’re never met a guy so totally into you. But the balloon bursts the minute you have sex. Then all of sudden he stops returning your calls and he’s too busy to see you. Though it hurts just remind yourself that it’s his loss. In fact, play him at his own game and if he calls don’t respond. He’s clearly on a mission to bed as many women as possible and he’ll never be interested in settling down until he gets all that sex out of his system.

>>> No Strings Attached 

Had you met at any other time he’d consider you the new “it girl” – but because he’s rediscovering bachelorhood he’s not going to let any woman tie him down. So he moves half his wardrobe to your place and he gives you the key to his apartment, but no matter how long you’re together he doesn’t want to talk about what the future may hold. All the while he keeps reminding you “don’t get to attached to me because I’m not looking to settle down”. “You might think you’re grown up enough to handle it but it’s a real mistake to think you can make someone love you or want to be with you forever,” says Anderson. “You’ll soon find yourself withering inside from the heartbreak of giving yourself totally and only getting limited intimacy and honesty in return.”

>>> Slow and Steady   

It’s not all bad news when it comes to men on the rebound. A minority do come back to the singles scene open-minded about meeting someone else to love long-term. Their emotional baggage is light because they have spent time talking through what when wrong with their ex so they are clear on why it happened which has given them a sense of closure and allowed them to start looking forward. When this guy wants to take it slow – his motivation is sound – he just wants to ensure he doesn’t rush into romance before he’s found his feet again. It’s not because he wants to play the field. His go-slow is about avoiding making mistakes. Despite the heartache he says he’s grateful for his relationship break-up because otherwise he never would have met you.