Do you ever feel worrying about what peoples may say about you; things you do, things your wear, or worrying about any negative outcome in most aspect of your life especially things involving you and anyone that close to you? I want to say yes to this question. To me, this worry feelings always haunted if an unpleasant event has just happened and it involved something or someone very important; worrying if people judging or criticizing me, during interview sections, when exam is around the corner or when I think I’m making mistakes and many more inconsequential things. It’s seems to be like a natural response of the mind to disagreeable events that have happened or have some likelihood of happening. I think everyone in this world ever felt worrying what everyone else might think about themselves and the worst is when we spend a lot of times thinking about what other think even about the past. It’s was a ridiculous response but that’s what always happen. I’ve been read somewhere and they say it is likely a kind of habits. But why is that?

Maybe it happens when you get offered well-intended advice and instantly go on the defensive. The fear of what other think can rear its ugly head in many day-to-day situations, but regardless of how it’s triggered, it has power only because you make harsh judgements about yourself. We’re all guilty of this kind of self-deprecation, but why? It is because of the need to be liked has become a community obsession. Unfortunately, living up to these self-imposed expectations creates enormous pressure. Worse still: Not being perfect, we reject ourselves, says Ruiz, writer of The Four agreements: A Practical Guide To Personal Freedom (Amber Allen). We cannot forgive ourselves for not being what we wish to be or believe we should be.

According to Ruiz, everything we do in life, is based on agreements we’ve made with ourselves that dictate our attitudes, behavior and self-imposed limitations. Unfortunately, many of our personal agreements stem from fear and pain. They deplete our energy and diminish self-worth. By changing those personal agreements and living by new ones that are more affirming, we can increase our self-satisfaction, deepen our relationships and reclaim our own power. According to Ruiz, only four agreements are necessary in order for this transformations to personal freedom to take place. Here’s how to implement them in your life:

1. Don’t take anything personally. To believing this way, you first need to realize that nothing others do or say is because of you — it is a projection of their own reality needs and priorities. If you trust your own judgement and respect your own decisions and viewpoint you give less to what others think. This will not only liberate you from insecurities and self-doubt but will free up your energy to devote to more constructive thoughts.

Make a new agreement; Stop thinking you’re on centre stage in everyone’s lives. Remind yourself they’re too busy thinking about their own needs, day-to-day commitments and goals to obsess about every little thing you say and do. Quieten the voice in your head that keeps putting you down. To make your inner voice more affirming, stop exaggerating things you have done, thinking in the extremes, accentuating the negatives and having unrealistic expectations.

2. Watch what you say. Most of us harm ourselves and others by abusing the power of words — when we bend the truth, speak unkindly of others, or wield words like weapons to be sarcastic or show our superiority. These practices not only disquieten our soul, but perpetuate our insecurities. By contrast Ruiz tell us, the key to inner peace is to be impeccable with your words so that what you say or how you say it are used to foster truth and love. This means you should try and say only what you mean; avoid putting yourself down and never gossip about others.

Make a new agreement: The minute you feel yourself about to say something negative, stop for a moment and say nothing notice and let go of those thoughts without reacting, judging or identifying. Ask yourself what else you could choose to think, feel and say about the situation. And also try to keep a journal of judgements you make about yourself and others. Just noting them down will make you realize how often you slip into this behavior and what pattern of judgement you need to break.

3. Avoid assumptions. Every time you second-guess what someone else is thinking or feeling, you’re setting yourself up for misunderstanding , cautions Ruiz. The problem with assumptions is that we believe they are the truth, he warns. This leads to a domino effect where we take things personally and create a drama from nothing. The antidote is simple — behave and speak candidly so our intentions and feelings are always clear. Often our fear of what we presume to be true holds us back from asking questions and explaining our position so that we fail to be clear about what we think and want.

Make a new agreement: Find the courage to ask questions and express what you really want. Ruiz suggests. This will help you avoid misunderstandings and drama. Do this by telling others how you feel, not blaming them for how you feel. If you can’t express yourself as well as you’d like when discussing an issue put it in writing then give it to the person you want to be clear with. And deal with issues as they arise.

4. Always do your best. That doesn’t mean push yourself harder to look after everyone else or have the best body, best career and best relationship. In fact, Ruiz warns against overdoing it: If you do less than your best, you subject yourself to frustration, guilt and regret. If you try too hard, you’ll spend more energy than is needed and in the end, your best will not be enough. Just do your best — in any circumstance in your life. If you always do your best there is no way you can judge yourself. And if you don’t judge yourself there is no way you are going to suffer from guilt, blame and self-punistment.

Make a new agreement: Don’t waste energy worrying about the past or fearing the future. Live in the moment by experiencing life through your five senses. Cut yourself some slack and acknowledge that when you’re sick or tired or going through a difficult time, the quality if your ‘best’ will be different to when you feel more on top of life — but if you simply do your best under any circumstance you’ll have no need for worry or regret. Have quality me time. The more you nurture yourself the more rejuvenated and calm you’l feel and the more energy you will have to do your best in all areas of your life.