In different situation, a man going out / travel more than the woman and leave a wife alone at home for many days  makes the her feel alone & lonely and start looking for other relationship and the husband which travel a lot also might looking for a partner or worst if he’s working with a woman. Ermmm….. the consequences are hard to determine when things go wrong. Either want to blame a guy because work too hard or a woman because not loyal to the husband. Anyway, a couple has their own responsibility to the relationship to make it work. However, women can fit to men lives easily but does man can fit into their lives? Find out the reasons for broken relationship and what the solution to it.

Fix It #1 Time Together

It used to be he spends too much time with his friends at the pub watching football. But as for you, now you’re headed for Happy Hours at the office café for the third time this week. What happens here is a woman become more successful than a man at work places, it becomes more necessary to share after-hours rituals – as men do – with their office buddies to build up relationships. It’s all part of being a career girl, and most men understand that. But if you chat about stressful sales targets and bald vice presidents after office hours three days in a row and leave him with nothing, but returns on TV and a Coke at home, he’s bound to start thinking of other ways to spend his time.

Normally women used to nag to get their men to come home earlier. However, guys they’re more liable to just find something else to do such as hang up with friends. A busy social life is a sign of success, but not all men want their partners to be successful. Some studies show that successful men are looking for traditional, stay-at home wives. Few girls think that their partner is not part of their work & social life make them tempted to start looking for someone who will. Men feel more appreciated if they’re invited to some of get-together party more often but women think it is not a good idea as they can maintain their professional with the colleagues without a partner. Ermmm….

So, how you want to fix this situation so that both of you can be together? The only way out of this deadlock is to meet half-way. Explain to him that the office gatherings are opportunities to hobnob or make your professional presence felt, and are important for your career progression. On the other hand, if you’re serious in your relationship, you have to spend time together – the very definition of the word “relationship” demands it. So, tell him you want to spend time with him also and be sure to do so.

Fix It #2 Intelligent Conversations

Every time you want to start to conversation, you have to think or sometimes have to study first what is the most intelligent conversation you can bring out as all the time the only thing you could talk to men about grocery shopping lists. And when you start to think about other topic (more sophisticated), you just out of idea as you were afraid he will think that you’re trying to test his knowledge or challenging him. Well, maybe he will ignore you. Actually women are more educated than they use to be. And smarter women are naturally going to demand smarter, more sophisticated conversation. So, when women want to discuss current issues with poorly-read men, they feel more than a little embarrassed – they are mortified. When your men start to think that you will be able to outsmart him at everything, then it is dangerous for your relationship. How you want to fix this?

If you know that his knowledge in certain areas is weak, try not to be tempted to demonstrate your superiority by teasing him. Remember, if the conversations turn towards something you’re not so familiar with, such as football or his favorite’s band, he would be whipping you   instead! Maybe as a couple you should try to stick to common ground in conversations. That way, no one is ever inferior to the other and everything is a lot more pleasant.

Fix It #3 Baby Matters

Who should decide when both of you can have a baby? If before he will jogs to 7-Eleven to pick up a pack of Durex when the weekend rolls around. But now, seems like you schedule IUD replacements with your gynae every few years. Why?

Nowadays, most of women less excited about having babies than they used to be. Babies deal severe stumbling blocks to career progression, greatly affect your investment planning and force you to practically give up your old social circle for a new one made up of mothers and their screaming toddlers – not exactly positive motivation to undergo nine months of pregnancy and hours of painful labour.

Apart of your own concern, your man also thinks about his biological clock which may explain why he’s trying to get you pregnant all of a sudden. They worry because according to study, as men age, the amount and quality of their sperm decline and this translates into a lower chance that any particular act of unprotected sex will lead to pregnancy. What’s more, men are also worried about when they have children due to many reasons.

Well, if he wants too he can’t have a baby without you, that’s for sure. But if he’s willing to take on postnatal responsibility and you can find it in your heart to take on the prenatal tasks, then why not? Yes, it means going through pregnancy and the rigours of childbirth, but it still makes it worth it. The real question to ask here is: “Who has a better paying job?” And if you can answer the question, then the decision is yours.

Fix It #4 Trophy Partners

It used to be…You are his pride and joy….and possession. But you want him to look nice, smell good, sound smooth, feel great and be gentle …all the time.

This called Trophy Phenomenon, and nowadays women are as demanding as men when it comes to how they expect their partners to look. It partly explains why apparently one third of women in the US are dating younger men – because they have not yet developed unsightly paunches, bald spots or bad teeth.

Men have always wanted their partners to be the envy of their peers, but women are catching on. You’re calling more of the shots in your relationships, and this means being able to make more demands on your partners…including how they look, smell and behave in public. Under the old rules, only women cared about how they looked. Physical appearance mattered because there was the constant threat of being dumped for a younger, perlier set of chops. It was a time when women to great lengths to ensure that they remained desirable in their partner’s eyes.

Not so anymore. In fact, one can say the tables have turned. Today, most women don’t need men’s money, so in order to remain consistently attractive to them they’ve got to take care of looks. Naturally, not all these guys take well to new demands on their appearances, fitness level and behavior. Which is why some men have decided to be rather particular about how they are treated in a relationship – they don’t want to be trophy husbands.

For years, women have been fighting to be treated as equals. But now that they’ve got what they want, it seems that they are starting to make the same mistakes that men did…such as claiming “ownership” over their partners, dictating what they must do and how they should behave in order to stay in a relationship with them. Don’t do that.

Fix It #5 Bedroom Positions

It used to be, he says: “Now, bend over…” But now…she says: “Now, go lower…” When women become powerful as men, women are more likely to act like men in bed, that is, to take control and actively seek pleasure. Although this movement has been slow and has only just begun, women are more willing to take responsibility for sex, initiate it, and choosing specific sexual activities such as wider variety of acts.

Your new assertiveness is threatening men’s traditional role as the dominant partner during sex. But for some men, this threat may register subconsciously at other levels of the relationship – they may feel that their power base, whether real or imagined, in the relationship as a whole is under threat, too. Add to the pressure to consistently deliver the fabled “multi-orgasms” and you see why men are apt to feel a little nervous when faced with a sexually demanding woman. It’s not that men’s don’t like it, mind. It’s just a little confusing: They’re grappling with learning to take instructions instead of just giving them. The complete shift in responsibility can alarm less-than prepared men.

To fix the problem, the best way is don’t hog the Director’s Chair. Share the responsibility of your sexual fulfillment between the two of you. This can work by either taking turns as the dominant partner each time you have sex, or by working towards a happy medium of partnership that involves making suggestions instead of giving instructions. You can move from ‘You do this and I’ll do this’ to ‘Shall we try this?’ That way, you’ll stimulate ideas and keep it interesting. You might try and fail but you’ll be happy with the process and the results as both of you are working together.

And that should be more than enough reason to give this power sharing process a go.

You can use the following ploys to get him to reveal his inner self. Be prepared though, he might want to turn the tables on you to make sure he’s got a handle on where you’re coming from too!

Game #1 Staring to face game

This game will reveals how he deals with emotions. Sit face to face and stare directly into each other eyes. No matter how you feel don’t look away (you may need to think about your pet cat dying to ensure that you don’t just fall into a giggling heap). Note his responses.

Try to understand what he’s really telling you. If he laughs in an embarrassed way and can’t maintain eye contact, this indicates that being emotionally open makes him feel vulnerable and silly. If he looks away repeatedly or doesn’t want to continue staring, he feels extremely uncomfortable dealing with emotions and talking about his feelings in any way. If he looks at you with intensity and has no trouble maintaining eye contact, he is obviously very at home with his emotions and yours, and is the kind of guy who can not only say “I love you” but can  identify what he is feeling rather than deny it. If you found he was type number three, don’t look back anymore, yeee…..he’s the guy!

Game #2 HIGH ANXIETY GAME

This game will reveals how he manages stress. You can pose him this question: Which situation would make you feel the most uncomfortable / anxious?

a) Being stuck in an elevator with a stranger?

b) Breaking down on a deserted road?

c) Sitting beside friends at a dinner party while they keep arguing all night?

Concentrate on what he’s going to answer you. How he answers this question indicates not only how he copes with not only unexpected situations but also which kind of life events he feels most equipped to deal with.

a) If the elevator option is the one that would bother him the most he obviously feels a little uncomfortable about confined spaces and doesn’t like being under circumstances out of his control. He’s most likely the kind of person who feels a little uneasy in social situations, finds it hard to strike up conversation at parties and takes a long while getting to know someone before he feels he can relax and be himself.

b) If breaking down on a deserted road would stress him the most your guy is obviously not someone who feels comfortable with risk-taking or with situations that are on the edge. He doesn’t like to dominate or take the lead and tends to approach something he has never tried before with anxiety rather than viewing it as a challenge. This means that he misses out on some experiences and opportunities because he’s too busy playing it safe. On the upside though, he never gets himself into trouble by losing his head then regretting it the morning after.

c) The friend arguing scenario as his first choice shows that he’s a little uncomfortable facing emotions and that having to do so can sometimes leave him feeling awkward or embarrassed. In your relationship this might at times manifest as an inability to say he loves you even though he does or he may tend to shut off and withdraw when something is wrong rather than talking openly and honestly about his feeling.

Game #3 MOVIE STAR GAME

This game can reveals what he values in a woman. You can ask him which Hollywood sirens he think is the most attractive and why? There are:

a) Angelina Jolie

b) Jennifer Aniston

c) Lindsay Lohan

d) Scarlett Johansson

If his choice is Angelina Jolie meaning that he likes a woman who is passionate about her beliefs and independence. If he chooses Jennifer Aniston, he wants a partner who’s fun, sensitive and loyal. And if he selects Lindsay Lohan, he prefers women who are wild and unpredictable turns him on. At the other hand, if he likes Scarlett Johansson, he thinks it’s alluring when a woman is both mysterious and stylish.

Fuhhhh…It could be difficult for you if you none of them type, right? Anyway you can straight away ask him, does you a type he likes because the answer should be YES. If not, he won’t selecting you at the first place, right?

Game #4 finders – keepers game

If you want to know how honest he is, this is the perfect way. Put him in one situation where he has just seen a person who was walking ahead of him drop RM 50 note. Would he:

a) Call out so they stop and race over to hand it to them immediately.

b) Wait to see if they realize, then look around to see if anyone else noticed. If they did he would give the money back to the person who dropped it. If they didn’t he would hold on to it for himself.

c) Let them look away so that he can grab the money and put it in his wallet.

If he choose to act as sentence a), meaning he’s a very honest person who you could trust to do the right thing in every situation. He would never cheat on you because he would feel too guilty and would never badmouth you to his friends. If b) is the right action for him, he mostly does the right thing but is sometimes torn between what he knows he should do and pushing the boundary a little bit just to get a small taste of what it’s like to live on the edge. Sometimes, he might flirt with a girl at a party just to enjoy the thrill of it. It’s not a good news if he choose c) as an action. This is because can say that he’s not the most trustworthy guy and tends to make his own decisions without worrying about what other people think is right and wrong. He can be quite tunnel-visioned if he wants something and will go all out to get it, often without realizing how that affects people around him. He would be vulnerable to getting tipsy and going home with another woman if you weren’t there. Beware!!!!

Game #5 the lottery game

If you want to reveal either he approach to money and saving, try this game out. If he won’t RM50,000 dollars what would he do with it? Here are some choices to make:

a) Blow it on a huge spending spree buying things like a new stereo / computer / mountain bike / electric guitar / play station 3?

b) Use it as a down payment towards a house.

c) Spend half of it on a holiday and save the other half in the bank.

If he goes to choice a), it’s telling you that he’s a bit of a spendthrift and wants to find a way to make money quickly and easily without having to work hard for it. That means that he’s not always cautious enough to save money and he has a tendency to run out of money before his next paycheck comes in. If he choose to take action as b), meaning that he’s a practical and organized person – the kind of guy who will only blow big bugs on something if he really needs it and he’s thoroughly researched what he’s buying. He’s a good saver because he has financial plans for the future such as buying a house or going on a big holiday.

If c) is the choice, he knows how to enjoy his money but he also knows the value of squirreling money away. So, although he might splash out on a new jacket or expensive birthday present for you – he balances that out by knowing how much he needs to put aside for all his bills so that he never runs short.

Game #6 CHOOSE A CAR COLOR GAME

If you like to try this game, it could reveal his personality and nature. Ask him to answer this question: If he could go out right now and buy a brand spanking new car, what color would he choose? The color that he’s going to choose reveals whether he’s an extrovert or introvert and what he’s like in bed.

Red color: He’s somebody gregarious, likes to have a good time, enjoys socializing and has a high libido. You will find him an enthusiastic person to be around but every now and then you might have to pull him up for flirting and might wish he would slow down so that you can enjoy some more romantic time together. He loves to try new things in the bedroom to spice up your sex life.

Black color: He’s kind of guy who likes to maintain a little mystery about himself to keep people around him guessing and thinking he’s interesting. This means he tends to sit back and take everything in and often doesn’t reveal about himself to others – sometimes even to close mates. It’s not because he’s shy – in fact he is quietly confident, knows what he likes and what he wants and is noticeable masculine without being aggressive. At times this means he can be a little opinionated and put his own needs first. In bed he loves to tease you until you are fantastically aroused.

Silver color: He’s kind of person values possessions and loves to make romantic gestures like buying you flowers or organizing a picnic or sunset. You will never have to nag him about dressing up to go out and will always feel that he is looking for you – but sometimes you might have to stand your ground to remind him that you’re capable of making your own decisions without checking his opinion first. He loves having spontaneous sex in places like stairwells or on moonlit beaches.

White color: He likes things simple and uncomplicated and because of that you always know where you stand with him. He’s the kind of person who is very self-disciplined and reliable and will always turn up on time to take you out or say the right thing to your friends. Every now and then though, you might wish he would loosen up, let his hair down and stop taking everything so seriously. Sometimes in the bedroom it would be nice if he let his guard down a bit more and got really passionate.

Blue color: He’s even-tempered and quite spiritual so he has wonderfully close relationships with people and has no problem expressing how he feels about anything and everything. He likes to get out of the city whenever he can because he loves feeling he’s amongst nature. He’s not big on possessions and believes that its being a good person and being intimate with those close to you that brings happiness in life. Because of this he’s a very thoughtful lover.

Yellow color: If he likes yellow color, he’s usually in a good mood and if he has a rough day, he never feels down for long. He loves having a laugh and likes to play practical jokes or do things like start a conga line at a party. He can be a little disorganized and sometimes jumps in to things without thinking fully of the consequences. He likes to spend a lot of time with his mates and that makes you feel like sometimes you have to fight to get his attention. In bed he’s sometimes loud and gets very excited – so sex often energetic.

Green color: He’s an intelligent guy and a deep thinker. He has lots of integrity so he would never knowingly do anything to hurt you and he likes to see the good in people around him. He can be quietly determined about something he really wants to do and thinks ahead because he has firm plans for how to improve his life. In bed he always give you lots of time and attention to make sure you get as much pleasure as he does.

Brown color: He doesn’t like to stand out in any way so he insists you always arrive at parties once things are underway. He refuses to be dragged on to the dance floor and you have to really encourage him to do things like go for a promotion at work. Deep down he is quite a sensitive person. Sometimes his shyness and inability to be spontaneous make you a little frustrated – because he values his privacy, he often want to kick back at home while you want to go out party. But he’s a genuine person who tries to do the right thing. In the bedroom he tends to let you take the lead.

Game #7 Commitment game

This game will show either he’s a stayer or a stray-er. This is considering a bonus question to all guys out there. Ask him to describe what he would like to be doing in five years’ time. This will telling you whether he’s long-term material or just with you for a short ride.

Settling Down: If he talks about hopefully being in a committed relationship and buying a flat, then he’s obviously not commitment-phobic.

Traveling: If he talks about wanting to be a free spirit just traveling country to country to enjoy plenty of different life experiences, then he’s not interested in having someone tie him down.

Climbing the Career Ladder: If this is his entire goal focus then he will probably be so married to his job that he won’t have much time to devote to keeping a relationship healthy and strong.

Game #8 the massage game

This game will reveal his nurturing level. Ask him to give you a half-hour massage without trying to touch you in a sexual way. The aim is just to relax you and make you feel good, not for him to make himself feel good as well. This telling you whether he can really nurture you.

If he completes the massage and you feel fantastic and relaxed: He not only has strong self-control but he has the ability to put aside his own needs to think of yours.

If he gets 15 minutes then starts fondling your thighs: He wants to be able to look after you but sometimes has to really push himself to be nurturing because his typical nature tends towards laziness.

If he wants to start making love within the first 10 minutes: He needs to do a lot of work on learning to think about others instead of just thinking about his needs and himself. It’s important for him to learn that sometimes you can be intimate without being sexual.

Lies #1 Roving Eyes

Not the kind that rove all over the room (although if he chatting you up and casing the dance club for other women as well – give him the flick immediately). No, these eye will be roving all over your body – mentally undressing you down to the very last detail. In the middle of talking, or when you bend down to grab your bag, you catch him looking at your cleavage in an obviously ravenous way. When you get up to dance, he starts talking to your legs instead of looking at your face. No matter what he is telling you, his body language says it all – you turn him on and he wants to get to see what under your clothes by the end of the night. That’s why he making more visual contact with your thighs than your eyes. “When a man is really interested in you, his whole body leans towards you almost eagerly and he hangs onto every word you have to say, “ says psychologist and relationship expert, Kohar Segassian. “He may gently wink at you or look a little sheepish and shy when there is a slight pause in the conversation.”

Not so when he’s more physically than intellectually attracted – then he will seem more distracted, less intend on what you are saying and more prone to break eye contact or look you up and down. This lack of eye contact usually indicates a desire too avoid intimacy. “Though we can consciously control where our eyes go, they have ‘mind of their own’ as well and feel compelled to repeatedly look at objects of parts of the body that they are drawn to and interested in, “Segassian explains. “So if man is overriding his attraction to your body, by not looking at your low-cut top, it’s usually a good sign that he is interested in you as a person not just a sex object.”

Lies #2 Clunky Com-on Lines

You can forgive him asking your star sign or using the “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?” line to try to get your attention, but once he’s sitting at your table and you’ve moved beyond the small talk, if he continues with one-liners or sledgehammer innuendo, there’s a good chance he’s got a one-night stand on his mind. “When a man is looking for potential relationship or really wanting to connect with you, he’s keen to move beyond discussion about the weather and what you do for a living to a wider variety of subjects that give someone indication of who you are, where you interests lie and whether you are open-minded or a deep thinker,” says Segassian.

“He usually also keen to make it clear to you that he’s not just after one thing.” So if you ‘ve been chatting for two hours and he’s still dropping conversation stoppers like: “If I said you have a nice body would you hold it against me?” give it up. Confess that it’s been nice getting to know him, but lie and say that your boyfriend is due to meet up with you any minute so you better wind up the conversation.  

Lies #3 Protective of His phone Number

“I want your number” may not sound like much of a demand, but it can be a telling truth-tester in a guy you’ve only just met. Early on in your conversation, exclaim that you’d like to put his his phone number in your cell phone, so that you don’t forget later on after a night of partying. The dead give away that he’s just trying to pick you up is when he sidesteps your request with lame excuse like, “I’m between flats at the moment”, or “I just got a new number and I can’t remember it”. Only waste your time on guys who happily hand over their number or punch the digits into your cell phone themselves. But just to be sure, then in a jokey tone of voice explain that you’re going to call the number right now to see whether he really is trustworthy. It only not show up any dead-loss guy who has given you any old number but not his own – it will give the message load and clear that you’re not a woman who is easily fooled or happy to be messed with. If you’ve gone through this process and he still hasn’t asked for your number then he’s not really thinking of asking you out beyond tonight.

Lies #4 too Touchy-Feely

Alright already – he’s made it clear that he thinks you’ve got a killer cleavage or lips to rival Angelina Jolie’s. It’s great to be flattered but there is a point, where it becomes, well, desperate. You’ll know because to back up his suggestion comments about how he loves hooking up, he will also be getting in your face or wanting to touch you. The guy who is looking at you as a potential girlfriend is far more subtle – he’s likely to brush your hand with his fingers, ask “Can I kiss you?” or move a little closer, so that his leg touches yours. The guy who is trying to pick you up however, will pinch your burn or put his arm around you a bit too forcefully and he will often lean right in and attach himself to your face, without testing the water first to see how you might feel about him planting one right on you.

Give it to him straight. explain that you never sleep with guy’s you’ve just met and that you will understand if that means he wants to cut his losses and go sweat talk some other girl. If he still offers to buy you another drink rather than sprinting out of sight, you might be on to a winner.

Lies #5 How His Friends Relate

Five minutes ago you saw them winkling, nudging him as if to say “you’re in, mate”, now they’re making jokes about how good he is in bed. Sure, this could jest be because his mates like  to rib him – but to make certain, ask them bluntly, “so what has your friend said about me?” Or, “What’s your friend like with women – is he a confirmed bachelor or a serial monogamist?” from the way his friends respond it will be pretty clear what’s he’s after. If they  look sincere when they tell you he’s a great guy looking for a great girl, then kick back and enjoy getting to know him. But if they can’t wipe the smiles off their faces and are fumbling for something to say because what he said about you is not repeatable, there’s your answer, loud and clear.

So, what is a must step you should take the moment you know you’re not follow the right road anymore? Just forget about him and give up hoping to get him back! As long as he’s still in your mind, you really can’t recover until you do. Of course it’s hard to get over a lost love and you have no idea what’s going to happen to you during the recovery process and your future especially when your relationship already lasted for years. The right key to hastening the recovery is to understand what people go through post break-up and to arrange for the process to take place in a systematic way. The best news is, once you discover how to recover, you’re much less likely to have such a severe break-up ever again.
Find out here how to fall out of love….and land on your feet faster without wasting your time hoping for him to come back to your life again. No matter how deep your feelings for him, you can be back to normal in less than two months if you take these steps…

Step #1 Make a Clean Break
Stop seeing your ex! Period. The only way to recover is to go “cold turkey.” If you keep seeing him, you’re like drug addict begging for “just one more“ hit and it was just so embarrassing. Remember, don’t “just be friends.” Keep it away from your mind if you ever thinking of to be remain as his best friend or what so ever, because for sure you can’t make it and will make your situation get worse. Each time you get close enough to your ex to get the good parts of what you once had, you’ll get the bad parts too.
A clean break is not possible if your home or apartment’s filled with things that remind you of him. So, take any clothes he left, mementos that remind you of him, pictures of him or both of you together, the CDs he gave you and throw them in a box and put it away and if possible, the best is to throw it far away…far from your life. Stop calling & thinking of him! Make yourself busy – hang out with friends and avoid form staying alone because it will bring your mind come back to him.

Step #2 Playing a new Tune
Music has a particular way of stirring up your emotions – and causing instant pain. So, re-programme the radio button for “his” station to anything else, and change stations immediately if a sad song comes on. Try not to revisit your favourite haunts for a while, and avoid any of the places you went with him. But do not let yourself being alone because it can make you feel lonely that can lead you to think about your past and of course your memory with him will come back to your mind that can make you feel sad. Also, stay away from friends of your ex.

Step #3 STOP calling him
You probably want to call him a dozen times a day, to hear his voice and to tell him anything. To gain control over this self-destructive impulse, keep a notebook with you, and whenever you get the urge to call him, write down whatever you think you want to tell him instead. By using this notebook, you’ll stop obsessing and the thoughts will diminish.
Talking about your ex with others is almost as bad as talking with him. Don’t indulge in long, commiserating chats with friends. Just say, “I prefer not to talk about it,” and that should close the subject with most people and at the same time will help you to reduce your memory against him.

Step #4 Jot down his bad habit on his”Cime Sheet”
When you break up, you often forget the bad times and yearn for the good ones. So, before you forget, write down every nasty, mean thing he ever did. Document the lies you decided to overlook , the time he embarrassed you in front of people, the rude way he acted towards your mother, the passes he made at tour friends, the time  you were sick and he didn’t come to your side or the time he totally forgot your birthday, etc. The Crime Sheet will help you to resurrect and redirect your buried anger – and lift your depression.

Step #5 Write the final love letter
It’s not easy to start with a new pattern of life when in sudden your life change especially when you have to go through your day without him – no communication and no one you can talk to whenever you need too. After three weeks or so of total non-communication with your ex, you’ll surely have a lot of things you want to say to him. However he’s no longer part of your life anymore. So, what are you going to do to stop from giving hope to the relationship and forget about him? How do you want to continue with your life without share a part of it anymore? They could be poetic reminders of all that was right about your relationship, with an appeal to try again, or they could be just a long recital of what he did wrong. Whatever it is, write it in a letter to him – but don’t mail it. Put it away. Assume that you already communicate with him. Just writing will make you feel better.

Step #6 Banish thoughts of him – in a snap
Despite everything you’ve done so far – the notebook, letter, etc – you’ll still keep thinking, “If only I could get him back, everything will be alright this time.” Or, “I just wish I could see him one more time.”Stop these thoughts by wrapping a rubber band around your wrist. When you have obsessive thoughts about him, snap the rubber band. Slowly but surely, you’ll condition yourself so the thoughts will stop by themselves as soon as they start. Try it every time you want he out of your mind.

Step #7 Don’t get even – get angry
As your recovery processes, you may find yourself thinking of revenge – reporting him to the IRB, sabotaging his new relationship, telling his friends about some terrible thing he did, etc. First, remember, there’s nothing wrong with thinking these thoughts. In fact, they can help you because they’re a sign you’re shedding your victim status.
Maybe you should call him, but just to express your anger. Select three or four of his most outrageous “crimes”, rehearse the call, and do it. Be sure to just tell him off, then hang up. Don’t get into arguments – just rattle it all off and say, “Goodbye!” Even if he surprises you and start to apologize, hang up. If you feel you still can’t control your urge for revenge, make the call and then turn to your notebook and start a new section – where you compose the letter to the IRB, chart exactly how you are going to push him out of the window, etc. This will cure you of feeling powerless – one of the worst symptoms of heartbreak.

Step #8 Fix a “Sob Hour”

When do you get to cry? Well, your “sob hour” is the time to let it all out. Here’s how it works: Pick a time of day when you’ll be undisturbed, say 9pm. Bring a radio into your bathroom along with your notebook and your “Last Love Letter.” Then play his fave song, run cold water in the bathtub, stick your feet in it, sit at the edge of the bathtub, read the letter and your notebook and have yourself a good cry. The key is to make yourself physically uncomfortable. How many of these hours should you do? As long as you feel like crying over him. This way, it’ll wear off. When it does, you’re almost cure.

Step #9 “Act Out Your Solo Role”

Force yourself to act peppy, even if you feel wretched. And soon you’ll feel good. This may sound crazy, but method actors have used this technique for years to get into the emotional state they need for a scene. Besides, you don’t want to give your ex the satisfaction that you’re moping around. And, Mr Right could pop into your life right now, and you wouldn’t want to be so busy carrying a torch for your ex that you’d miss the opportunity of a lifetime. Expose yourself to new experiences; broaden your horizons.

Step #10 Don’t Ever Cry To A New Guy

A new guy is the best distraction. But resist the temptation to cry on his shoulder and tell him about your ex, no matter how sympathetic he seems. Enjoy your new relationship. Use it to gain confidence and put more distance between you and your heartbreaks.

Why his story never stops even after you’ve split up? Why you still care about what happening in his life? And why you feel sad when you know he already fall in love with another girl? Do you still in love with him? It’s amazing how much you can still know about your ex even you both are not attached to each other anymore. It’s not possible when your girlfriends tell you where he’s living and partying: gossipers spill all they know about his flirtations and one-night stands; mutual mates try to say as little as possible, but you can read between the lines. When you ask if he ever talks about you and they pause awkwardly before saying, Yeah, sure, but he’s never been much of a talker, it’s like a stab to the heart “ it’s obvious “ he’s over you, he doesn’t think about you. End of story.

Meanwhile, you throw out the photos of your romantic holiday in Bali and make a stab at going on a few dates. You just start to feel you’re getting your life back together. But just when you thought you had erased him from your hard drive, you hear he’s in a new relationship. Within milliseconds, the pain is so great it feels like heâ’s just dumped you all over again. You know it’s not good to dwell on it and the more you learn about her, the more you feel your self-image slipping. But you just can’t stop asking questions about the new girl in his life and you torture yourself by imagining them in bed having marathon sex.

Well, sounds like you’re not as over him as you thought. Or maybe you don’t really want him back, but also don’t really want him back, but don’t want anyone else to have him either (at least not until you’ve found the love of your life to rub in his face). Before you turn into a complete nutter and find yourself staking out his flat to catch a glimpse of them, you need to get a grip. The burning issue here is not how he met her, what she looks like or whether or not he’s in love or not he’s in love or just in lust. The bigger question is what you are going to do to ensure that you just don’t care.

The Different Man

One of the worst things and make you feel so frustrated about seeing him date someone else is noticing how different he is with her and how open he seems to be to doing things he never shared with you. You hear they’re going to yoga together (what happened to the couch potato, you knew?), that she’s into reiki (he said your new-age beliefs were rubbish) and that last Saturday they had a Celtic cross tattoed on their butts (what?). You feel jealous and what to scratch her eyes out. Okay so you don’t like yoga and you’re not the tattoo type but that’s not the point “ he never offered to do those things with you. He’s showing a side of himself to his new girlfriend that he kept hidden. Does that mean he’s more in love with her than he was with you or that he loves her so much he wants to change to fit in with her life?

Working through the implications of his new behaviour can be very confronting it can make you feel like you never really got close to him or that he is working harder to make this relationship a success that he did with yours. The sad thing is and this will really hurt there’s every chance that’s true, says relationship counsellor, Evelyn Field. Often it’s past girlfriends who do all the hard work teaching a man about the importance of communication, sharing and flexibility but the relationship breaks up before they can reap the benefit of their hard work. Then the next woman comes along and falls for him because he’s become well-grounded in all the things a man needs to do to make a couple work.

Girl You Know

Maybe you saw this coming a mile off because he kept talking about a new woman at work and you suspected he had the hots for her. If so it can be a double blow that your instincts were right. Even if he wasn’t actually seeing her behind your back you will feel as though he was unfaithful because clearly in his mind he wanted to be with her even though he was with you, Field points out. You may feel very bitter as though she stole your boyfriend from you but that’s an unhelpful way of looking at the situation. If your relationship only took a little push to break down then it had big problems that were going to come to the surface at some time or other and better sooner than later.

What if she’s someone you both know and he didn’t have a thing for her back then but now he does? Then to add salt to the wound you’ll worry about him putting you down when he talks to her and fear that she will be indiscrete and spill details of your life with him (totally out of context) to mutual friends. Did he fancy her when he was with you and how long did it then take him before he broke it off? These thoughts will stir up feelings of insecurity and unresolved anger about how you have been treated.

These kinds of feelings are always magnified if the ex finds a new lover very soon within weeks of breaking off the relationship, says Field. If he says single for six months then at least it feels like he needs some time to get over the relationship as well but if he jumps right in the deep end with another woman it can make you feel you look like a fool because you’ve been devastated by breaking up with a guy who doesn’t seem to have cared all that much.

Watch Your Attitude

Whether or not your ex chooses a woman who is older, younger, skinnier, more curvaceous or less outgoing doesn’t make a difference. Really. Regardless of who he chooses to date, you will hate her with a passion and torture yourself trying to work out how she compares.

Rather than wasting time make comparison between you and his new girl it’s better if you think how to stop thinking about him and learn to let him go in peace. You should do a hard work of saying goodbye to the relationship and start new life happily. Nothing will change if you keep comparing yourself with his new partner finally your thought will harm yourself. Be positive at least.

When your boyfriend is still single, maybe you still can harbour fantasies that you might get back together and rekindle the love you once had. But you must realize that once he is seeing someone else there is no way you can hold on to the fantasy of a reunion, so almost overnight you’re forced to face the fact that it’s over, for good.

Get Busy

In short, you need to realize that you’re the one writing your own life script and this particular scene could be your biggest triumph or tragedy. It really is up to you. Banish the images of your ex showering with his new love or telling her he loves her. Replace them with plans to get your life in order. Do up your bedroom, make over your body at the gym or take up French cooking. The more you can take the focus off what they might be doing and put it on how you are going to improve yourself, the more you will think about the most important thing and that’s you. Feeling great is not only the ultimate revenge post break-up it’s a great way to help you feel good about yourself, which is always attractive to new men. To get to that point, you need to plan to keep yourself occupied.

Where possible, avoid a situation where you arrive home to an empty, house and feel depressed,says relationship counsellor, Ann Hollonds.This is particularly important on weekends when you know you’ll have more time on your hands to dwell on things. Instead of sitting home moping, have dinner with friends or stay in with your flatmate and watch some DVDs. Above all, make sure that you minimise the time you spend alone.

Nurture Your Social Life

Though it might be the last thing you feel like doing right now, it’s important not to become a hermit just because you’e heard your ex is dating again. He’s obviously moving on with his life and you need to move on with yours. If you’ve been part of a couple, going out alone can be a little free falling. There’s no boyfriend to fall back on if you don’t manage to strike up conversation at a party. And there’s no one to get drinks for the guests while you’re tossing the salad.

The good news is now you can put yourself first. You can start your life all over again. You not need to stay at home the whole weekend waiting for his called or because he wanted you to be too. You can start your social life all over again seeing someone new and going out frequently. Let your anger motivated you to do something good for yourself. Force yourself and pick yourself up, forget him and move on. Don’t stop yourself doing whatever you want to do. Take your time to re-establish yourself in people’s minds as an independent, autonomous person.

To get the ball keep rolling, try to organize lots of dinners and invite people to your place. Say Yes to all invitations, just so everyone knew you already back in circulation. This will fulfil your emptiness. Within months you will see a different in yourself and you will feel like he’s leaving you is the best thing that ever happened to you. For sure your old confidence and passion for socialising will return back to position.